Nothing Box

They say men have a ‘nothing box’ in their heads, a place that exists within their minds where they can be completely relaxed and at peace. If I possessed such a box, I don’t think I would ever crawl outside of it. I’d become a hermit to the nothingness of my mind. It’s rare that I feel even remotely close to calm. My thoughts run rampant 24/7 and they don’t stop, even when I’m sleeping. It’s exhausting to think so much, but my mind doesn’t seem to have an off switch. Though sometimes, very rarely, something flips the switch for me. It might be when I’m being creative or existing within nature, but mostly, it’s a song. Notes woven into melodies that somehow halt the busy highways in my head and let my anxiety fade away. In these brief moments, I have my very own nothing box. Only then do I ever feel completely present. Not reliving the past or worrying about the future… simply HERE, in the now. I wish I experienced it more often, but for now, I will treasure my nothing box whenever it chooses to reveal itself.

-S

 

Empty

You didn’t want me
Or her
And I don’t understand
How you turned your back
On the little pairs of eyes
That loved to hold your hand
The high pitched voices
And tear stained cheeks
Of lives left behind
Of lives like mine
I don’t need you anymore
I’ve made peace in knowing
You chose to walk out the door
You didn’t want me
Or her
But I don’t understand
Why
I still feel empty

-S

Being a Night Owl

I’ve always loved the night. There’s something about the sunless calm that brings me to life and fills my soul with creative energy; energy that I expel in the form of writing, art and music. It’s ‘my time’. Everyone is sleeping and the house is quiet, just for me. Being an introvert, having this time to myself is something I consider essential for me to function like a normal human being, but sometimes I wish I could share my time with others, and be in their presence when I feel most like myself. My mind comes alive after midnight, and I have all these thoughts and ideas itching to escape, but no one to share them with. Don’t get me wrong, if people suddenly became nocturnal, I’d feel immediately claustrophobic, robbed of my time and energy. I just wish that every now and then, I had someone to stay up with and talk to until the sun peeks over the horizon and the sky turns dusky. Tonight is one of those nights. As the world is enveloped in darkness and minds drift into unconsciousness, my veins thrum with electricity and my thoughts demand to be heard. I feel alive.

-S