Out of Place

I feel painfully out of place, like a piece of pepperoni that has mistakenly made its way onto a vegetarian pizza.

-S

Adulting: Why We Shouldn’t

As children, we’re all asked what we want to be when we grow up. Maybe we said a princess, an astronaut, or in my case, an actress. In our minds, these things were all achievable; adulthood was a land of unknowns where you could do anything and be anyone, but as time passes, the reality of growing up hits us like a tonne of bricks. Life is no longer about making mud pies and playing make believe, but instead becomes an existence of responsibilities, deadlines and anxieties. We’re told to grow up and act like the mature adults that we are; to deal with what life throws at us in a mundane world of black and white. Well, to everyone that has ever told me these things…  I refuse to live my life in greyscale, and I think you should too. Although some people like to think otherwise, we’re all still children, some of us just accept it more than others. Just look at the way people act in times of conflict, or when they’ve been hurt. Adults are much more controlled when it comes to demonstrating their emotions, but we all have an innate tendency to regress into our childlike selves. We’re much the same as children when we sulk, defend ourselves in anger or direct blame and name-calling at others. Next time you’re watching a political debate on TV, compare the politicians to kindergartners and you’ll see what I mean. So my question is, why do we allow ourselves to be childlike in some ways, but not others? You only have ONE life. Do you really want to spend it ticking things of to-do lists and climbing the corporate ladder? Hey, maybe you do, and that’s fine, but don’t think it’s below you to act like a child sometimes. When was the last time you did something for the first time? Children are constantly learning and discovering new things, which is why our perception of time is much slower when we’re younger. The more frequently you put yourself in new situations, the slower your days will become, meaning your life won’t whoosh by in the blink of an eye. Being a certain age doesn’t mean you’re restricted in what you can do… well… I’m not allowed in children’s ball pits, but when I open my own, giant one, I’ll let you know. What I’m trying to say is that life is supposed to be FUN. Make messes, make mistakes, abandon your schedule for a day, build a blanket fort, eat dessert before dinner, draw on the walls! Okay, maybe don’t do that… but you get my point. Let go and live. Live like you can fly to the moon and put on a shoe to find your prince charming. Don’t let the monotonousness of life get you down – do something crazy, be in the moment and LIVE!

-S

 

Empty

You didn’t want me
Or her
And I don’t understand
How you turned your back
On the little pairs of eyes
That loved to hold your hand
The high pitched voices
And tear stained cheeks
Of lives left behind
Of lives like mine
I don’t need you anymore
I’ve made peace in knowing
You chose to walk out the door
You didn’t want me
Or her
But I don’t understand
Why
I still feel empty

-S

It’s Okay to Feel Sad

If we never felt sadness, we wouldn’t ever appreciate what it feels like to be truly happy. With nothing to compare and contrast against the positive emotions, happiness becomes a constant state of being, synonymous with what it means to be human. Our lives would become dull. Yet, despite me being able to recognise the important role sadness plays in my life, I still struggle to accept when I feel anything other than content. I don’t allow myself to be sad as often as I should, because I don’t feel like I deserve to be sad. For the most part, I live a wonderful life. I’m surrounded by incredible, supportive and understanding people; I have a roof over my head, food in my belly and a bedroom filled with art supplies and books. I have so much, whereas others have so little, and so I tell myself that because others have it much worse, I’m supposed to be happy. But it’s okay to feel sad. Life isn’t a straight line that we follow until we reach the end of our road; no, life is an obstacle course that we’re thrown into blindfolded with no clue how to navigate our way through it. Even the most privileged of people will struggle at times, and that’s okay. Every single one of us will experience moments of both extreme joy and pain throughout our lifetimes, regardless of what kind of childhood we had or how much money we make. If a child breaks their arm, we don’t tell them to suck it up and stop crying because others are dying of cancer. We love and support them, and do our best to ease their pain. Sadness can’t be fixed with a bandage because sometimes it demands to be felt.

“Everybody wants happiness, nobody wants pain, but you can’t have a rainbow without a little rain.”

-S

 

 

Release

On the darkest of nights,
She sits by the windowsill
A gentle breeze beckoning,
Whispers from within
She watches, eyes wide
The window shaking silently,
Voices trembling endlessly
Fracturing the glass
Ruby red and dripping,
Shards between her palms
The wind howls outside
And in her mind
Shattering the glass
On the darkest of nights,
She sits by the windowsill
Cracked, and in pieces
Seeking release,
But never succeeding.

Although it’s quite melancholy, and perhaps even a little dark, I was completely content and happy when I strung together this little bundle of words. Take from it what you will, but know that despite all the struggles you may be facing, you are cared about and loved. ♥

-S