You didn’t want me
Or her
And I don’t understand
How you turned your back
On the little pairs of eyes
That loved to hold your hand
The high pitched voices
And tear stained cheeks
Of lives left behind
Of lives like mine
I don’t need you anymore
I’ve made peace in knowing
You chose to walk out the door
You didn’t want me
Or her
But I don’t understand
Why
I still feel empty
-S
A friend of mine once said I have an innate curiosity, an intense thirst for knowledge. I love learning new things and broadening my understanding of the world around me and everything in it. If I haven’t learnt something new for a few days, I become antsy. As far as I’m aware, I have always been a curious being. A few years ago, my parents bought me a blank journal and titled it “Google it” because even throughout my teenage years, I would always ask ‘why’ like an incessant toddler, and so they’d always tell me to just ‘Google it’. I’m still a walking question mark, but after realising that most people don’t have the answers I seek or simply cannot be bothered explaining them to me, I keep them safe in a little compartment in my mind. And yes, they all inevitably get Googled. Did you know that it’s impossible to hum when you hold your nose? Don’t worry, everyone sounds ridiculous, I promise. ^.^
I’m on a constant mission for new discoveries; mental, philosophical, historical or factual. It doesn’t matter what kind of knowledge I gain, I just love to learn. If I come across something I don’t know, or that intrigues me, I instantly want to learn about it – such as today, when I read an article about how to properly clean a penis. I do not own a penis, and have no idea why I felt inclined to read this article other than blatant curiosity, but I learned a lot. Even though I might not be able to use this new-found information myself, I can either pass it on to others or wait until I have little boys of my own, so I can teach them. It fills me with joy to learn, even about things completely unrelated to me whatsoever. Perhaps this is why it takes a lot to disturb me… because I’m also morbidly curious. I want to know about serial killers, cannibals, Hitler and everything else horrible in the world, because I want to understand. Why do they think that way; why do they do the things they do? A lot of it is fear based. The more I know, the more I think I can protect myself. It’s a weird thing, curiosity, and I’m yet to decide whether or not it’s a blessing or a curse… curiosity did kill the cat after all.
-S
And so are you.
We live in a world that is so focused on ticking things of idealistic checklists that we often forget life isn’t just about living up to society’s idea of perfection. We’re all following the same path. A path that was mapped out hundreds of years ago and has been walked a billion times. It’s impossible for us to know anything different, because we are taught to tread in the footprints of those before us. Our existence on this planet is fleeting, yet so many of us are terrified to deviate from the path that we were raised to follow. We as a species are transient. You are as ephemeral as autumn leaf before it falls. Use your time on this earth wisely, because you never know when the wind will carry you away.
I’m not a pessimist, I promise. 🙂 Well… maybe a tiny bit. For the most part, I’m just as lost and confused as everyone else on this earth. I write about all kinds of things, whatever tickles my fancy at any particular moment really. My mind is filled with so many thoughts that I figured starting a blog would be a good way to get some of them out, and maybe inspire someone in the process. If you like my rambles, welcome! I’m a socially awkward artist and lover of words who received more than her fair share of crazy at conception. It’s cool though… being a tiddly bit odd has become my trademark.
-S
Alive & Terrified 